The Oscars Suck

Well, I don’t actually mean that, since I did get up early yesterday and put on my tuxedo so I could watch a tape delayed telecast of the ceremony. That’s 14 straight years and going strong of watching the awards show, and more impressive is that I’ve been able to keep that going since moving out here. I think Bryan put it the best yesterday when he took a look at me salivating in front of the TV and said: “Dude…you’re a loser.”

Speaking of losers, let’s talk about the Academy voters. I’m seriously beginning to lose faith in them. Aside from the easy choices like “Return of the King,” they’ve always made me cry and pound my fists on the floor in a huge temper tantrum whenever they give the best picture prize to mediocre eyesores like “Gladiator” and “Million Dollar Baby.” And now, the biggest travesty of them all, giving it to “Crash,” a movie so heavy-handed and annoying that some critics actually called it one of the worst films of the year (see Scott Foundas). I haven’t been this outraged since Ang Lee last got shafted by Russell Crowe when “Gladiator” beat out one of my many GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” I know a lot of people who liked “Crash,” but I personally prefer my message films to actually include people who may exist in this world. *Sigh* It was already bad enough that “Harold and Kumar” didn’t get recognized for ANYTHING last year, now this. Time to put away the tux and cross my fingers for next year.

One of the highlights of watching the telecast on CCTV was the Chinese dubbing. This is the first time I’ve actually seen them attempt this; the past couple of years they just let the English speak for themself. It was fun hearing the literal translations of things that were clearly meant to be funny in English. The best moment was when Three 6 Mafia were blowing up at the podium after winning award, and they were thanking everyone and their moms with their thick, Memphis accents, and the Chinese interpreter just couldn’t keep up, and ended up just saying: “I thank my friends, and my family. And my friends. And my family. And my family. And my family. And my friends.” It’s hard out there for a translator.