Some People Are Crazy

Maria is one of my co-workers who is on loan from corporate headquarters in the Valley. Her job is to help facilitate the aggregation and proliferation of standard components for notebook computers into the non-MNC channel. And if you understand what I just wrote, you’re a total nerd.

The first adjective that usually comes to people’s minds when they think of Maria is “Russian.” The next three are probably a chronology of “thin,” “tall,” and “beauty.” Not for me. First word I think of now is “certifiable.” This is mainly because at dinner tonight, not only did she pick at her risotto and pass on the dessert at Whisk (how can you pass on the dessert at Whisk?!), she also mentioned that she was never really a big fan of food. In fact, she stated that if she could eliminate one activity from her daily routine, it would be “eating.”

I recall that I was in mid spoonful when she uttered the above, unbelievable statement. For about 40 seconds after that all I see was blue. Call it the blue screen of incredulity. How, I asked her, could eating possibly be the first thing she would eliminate?

“Well, what would you get rid of,” she asked me.

It didn’t take me long to rattle off the following list: shaving, commuting, working, scratching, microwaving, meeting, toiling, bullshitting, persisting, enduring, exfoliating, and palpitating.

“Ok, well, what if you had to pick between eating and sleeping? Would you rather live without eating or without sleeping?” Her question was an intriguing for the sheer elegance of its circular logic.

“If I didn’t have to sleep, the more I could eat,” I responded. The whole thing seemed as obvious to me as drafting wide receivers with three consecutive top ten draft picks probably seemed to the GM of my favorite football team, the Detroit “feed me to the” Lions.

Then I realized that’s probably why “thin” is probably the one hundred millionth adjective that would come to someone’s mind when they are asked to describe me. Somewhere right behind “productive.” I think even “Russian” makes it before “thin” does. But at least I’m not crazy. And that’s how I ended up with the leftovers from Whisk in my fridge tonight.