My gray Cal beanie fell out of my pocket while I was riding my bike to work on Monday morning. This was upsetting because I had pined for it for most of last winter, and then a few months ago was surprised to find it in a box of old stuff at my parents’ place in Vegas. From that point on, aside from using it to wipe away snot in a few awkward situations involving serendipitous run-ins with pretty girls, I treasured it and kept it in my left jacket pocket at all times, where it would be closer to my heart. As many of you know, I have a head the size of one of Saturn’s more visible moons, and this was one beanie that did not incite riotous laughter whenever people encountered me with it.
I ended up staring at my computer all morning , despondent as hell, and decided that losing such a precious thing was cause enough to not do any work for the entire day. I thought about my beanie, and how it was probably sitting in some gutter somewhere, covered in acid rainwater and tire tracks and Shanghainese phlegm. And then a vision came to me: in my head, I see one of those really old and bald rubbery Chinese men who make a living by transporting huge second-hand refrigerators from one end of town to the other on bicycle. In this vision, he happens to be feeling painfully cold and wet. Suddenly, he comes across my gray Cal beanie alone on the sidewalk. The old man reaches down and picks it up, cradles it in his arms, and laughs joyously as he gently places it on his noggin and immediately feels warm on the outside and lucky on the inside. Then, smile and beanie in tow, he gets back on his bicycle and starts pedaling again, only this time each push from his feet wis somewhat less exhausting than before because, goddamn it, if this isn’t his day after all!
And then, I come into the frame, and I chase after him, drag him down from off his seat, and then bitch-slap him repeatedly until the beanie falls into my trembling, violent hands. Then I give him one good kick for good measure, and then unstrap the refrigerator and laugh as it slides onto the pavement.
Damn, I miss my beanie.
