Vicious cycle

I’ve been having some major problems accessing WordPress lately, and thus have not been able to post anything for quite some time. Having an ISP in the States totally sucks. Republic Studios is having no problem whatsoever with its Hong Kong-based server. Too bad it’s expensive and I’m cheap.

So here are the things that all my loyal fans have missed during my bloggy absence the past two and a half weeks:

– I watched the Superbowl at Hooter’s.
– I laughed when I heard about latest porn movie entitled “Stimulus Package.”

Yup, that’s pretty much it. Sad, huh? It’s mainly because after gorging myself to the point of unrecognizable bloat before and during the Chinese New Year (Coco curry, anyone?), I came to the conclusion that I needed to get myself back into some semblance of health. After wracking my brain for about 3 seconds, I pinpointed the exact element that was causing me to feel utterly blobular and useless: the sweet sweet nectar of Dionysus. It was time to stop drinking.

Drinking is quite simply the raison d’etre for the slow-cooking destruction of my body. In Shanghai, being a teetotaler is nearly unheard of. Alcohol is the crux of almost every social activity. After having drowned in this boozy sea for over five years, I realized that it had come to define everything that I do.

There was a mad, vicious domino effect that it set off every time I went out to drink. Drinking led to smoking, and of course it led to more drinking, and then more smoking, and then suddenly it was 3 AM and empty bottles were clinking below my feet as I shuffled off to some late night snacking that usually involved a lot of fried foods and cheese. Five hours later and the world kept its pace while I moved slowly against it, wasting away what is supposed to be the prime of my life by simply using this time to recover from the night before. There were so many “night befores” that I’ve lost count. And stomach lining.

Anyway, I cut myself off, have started eating lighter and better (though that kimchi-only diet turned out to be slightly disastrous), and am going to the gym every other day. Sure, it’s only been about three weeks, but at least it’s a start and I’m already adjusting to my divorce from cheese.

Unfortunately, this decision has rendered me completely incapable of being interesting. I discovered this during a recent birthday party I attended, where everyone customarily toasted each other every few minutes, and I was left drinking tea and imagining life as a large and lumbering Galapagos turtle. Workdays that used to end with a nicotine-infused dizziness and hacking coughs now end with me being in bed at 11 pm, listening to National Public Radio and staring longingly at the Hooters that is below my apartment. This is no joke. I’ve exited a vicious cycle of physiological degradation and instead entered a vicious cycle of complete and utter boredom.

So yeah, that’s why you guys haven’t been missing much.