One of the most creative countries for advertising has me wanting to chow down on some salmon nigiri right about and watch a porno…all at the same time. Pretty nifty marketing.
The lady at the JBL kiosk in the Zhongshan Park Yongle electronics store saw me looking at the following JBL marketing poster:
She started pointing at some of the celebrities on the poster. “See? That’s Michael Jackson!”
I kept staring at it.
“And Bill Clinton!”
I was focusing on the two athletes on the bottom row, semi-retired boxer Osca De La Hoya and steroid user and washed-up MLB player Miguel Tejada. I was trying to figure out how they could be connected to JBL speakers. Maybe they had their own hi-fi systems at home and wanted to lend their mugs for this 60th Anniversary marketing poster. Or maybe they were just randomly selected from an issue of 2004 GQ by some dude in Guangzhou trying to put together a decent looking fake poster.
When I used to work for the man, I employed this excuse all the time in order to get out of work. After a while, it stopped working.
In the ongoing series of stupid shit that cracks me up, here’s the preview for the new movie Harry Potter and the Outcasts of Hogwarts: Hermione’s Stalker.
“I have an erection!” Nice!
Me: Hey Clint, the vendor that —- asked us to work with is from a company called Dragons of Tit.
Clint: What? Ha Ha.
Me: Well, I thought it was Dragons of Tit. Then I checked the website and it’s Dragonsoft IT. Lame. Dragons of Tit is a way better name.
Clint: You’re immature.
Me: And you only know this now?
Clint: You should refer to them as Dragons of Tit when we have that conference call tomorrow.
Me: I already e-mailed them telling them I’m looking forward to talking to Dragons of Tit.
One commercial that has been playing over and over again in that detestable FocusMedia screen inside the elevator of my apartment building is for China Citic Bank’s new line of “fragrant” bank cards. Yes, folks, after doing some quick Baidu research, I have confirmed that these cards really do give off some sort of scent. And from the ad, it seems like Citic is basing an entire campaign off of that one attribute. And boy, do they smother on the cheese for such a ridiculous product:
Shot 2: Shot of a young girl getting nose-kissed by her mother. V.O.: “小时候, 离不开她 – When young, I could never leave her behind,”
Shot 4: A young woman, embracing some dude in front of a carousel. V.O.: “长大了, 离不开他 – When an adult, and I can’t leave him behind”
Shot 6: I guess the same woman, now a bit holder, holding her debit card up to her nose and taking a deep sniff. V.O.: “现在, 离不开它 – Now, I can’t leave it behind.”
Yes, she’s talking about her bank card. Her ridiculously stupid, smelly bank card. The marketing team at Citic and whichever creative director at Citic’s ad agency should all be dragged outside and caned.
A recent article on Danwei is a translation of a piece in the Southern Metropolis Weekly about Dongguan, the supposed sex capital of China. On how production practices in this manufacturing city are seeping into the sex industry here, Danwei’s Joel Martinsen translates (bold letters courtesy of me):
Like Luo Chao, many interviewees complained about the uncertain nature of services provided by ordinary sex establishments. Luo has been a customer of sex services at hotels in more than ten cities, from Shanghai and Beijing to more remote cities in the western part of the country, and in his words, “Whether you pay 300 or 1,500 yuan, what you pay for isn’t what you end up getting. Say there’s a girl who claims to be skilled in a particular service. She’ll actually be rough and clumsy. And because it’s all grey-market, if they overcharge you, you just have to accept that you’re getting screwed.”
To poor Luo Chao, I say: “At least you’re getting screwed.”
Being a hero is tough. Especially such a beautiful one.
(h/t to Kenneth!)
They #1: You know, now that I take a closer look at Eric, he DOES look like Han Hong (韩红) after all.
They #3: Who’s Han Hong?
They #2: That female mainland singer from Tibet.
They #3: Oh you mean that fat one?
Me: Thanks. Thanks everybody.
They #1: But Eric, she’s really talented! She’s got a great voice!
They #2: Yeah, she’s super talented. She can really sing. You should feel flattered.
Me: Yes, I do. I may look like a fat female singer from Tibet, but at least I look like one who can really sing!
(Judge for yourself, do I really like like her? Don’t think so)